


Unfaithful

by themysticalsong



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-24
Updated: 2013-10-24
Packaged: 2017-12-30 08:35:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1016436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themysticalsong/pseuds/themysticalsong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex dates others while still in a relationship with Matt. Deliberately, knowing it hurts him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unfaithful

 

 

 

 

At times she wonders why she can’t ever get it right; why was it all so difficult. Why couldn’t she find some happiness, some love in her life? Lord knows, she had faced enough in her life, and now she deserved to be happy. But, that didn’t mean Matt deserves this. Any of it. No. He doesn’t. He deserves better. So much better. Better than her. Better than a life with a woman 20 years his senior, with an almost teenage daughter and two ex-husbands. He does not deserve this.

 

 

They have been dating secretly for past couple of years, and now, it is almost like Matt has moved in with her. At times, she wants to pretend it had happened too fast. Too fast for her to think it over. That before she knew, they were a couple. She wants to pretend that she is not in love with him. But every time she tries, Matt does something so thoughtful, ordinary, yet sweet enough to make it feel extraordinary, that she can’t help but fall for him all over again.

 

 

She knows what she is doing is wrong. So wrong. On so many levels. She is hurting Matt. She is hurting herself. But she needs Matt to go away. To find his happiness with someone who deserves him. With someone he deserves. Someone who could give him everything. And she would do anything to see him happy. And if this is what it takes, she will do it.

 

 

~~*~~

 

The first time someone asks her on a date after her and Matt had begun dating, they are at a party. They had arrived separately, of course, and are at the moment talking to different people. She is talking to Steven, when Matt walks up to her with a drink in his hand, meant for her. They make small talk, and when Steven excuses himself to go and meet other guests, Matt moves closer to her, bends down and whispers in her ear, ‘The dress is lovely. ‘Course it’ll look lovelier on my bedroom floor.’ Heat flaring inside her, she looks up at him. She opens her mouth to tell him to make his excuse so they can leave when a man, older than Matt, possibly in his 40s, walks up to them and starts talking to Alex. Matt looks annoyed, but giving Alex a smile, walks away to ‘talk to other guests’, doing his best to keep up the pretences.

 

 

The man, Josh, she later learns his name, doesn’t leave her side for a long time. Not that he is a bad conversationalist. He is quite witty and charming. But she wants to leave with Matt. For a party of their own. Preferably in her bed, naked. She looks around for Matt, and sees him talking to some girl she doesn’t know. The girl is pretty, smart, and young. And the way Matt is laughing, Alex can tell the girl is quite charming too. It’s not for the first time that it strikes her how mismatched she and Matt are. She smiles sadly, and then focuses on Josh.

 

 

When Josh asks her on a date, she spies Matt out of the corner of her eye. He is standing closer than before, indicating that he was going to come to her to tell her that he was ready to leave, his hands clenched in fists by his sides, the thunderous look on his face indicating that he probably has seen how Josh was flirting with her, and has heard Josh asking her. She looks at Josh, smiles and accepts his request, agreeing upon a date and time, and gives him her phone number.

 

 

Matt isn’t pleased, but she reasons with him that once in a while if she accepts an odd date, it would keep media and gossip mongers off them. When Matt looks not entirely convinced, she employs other methods to convince him.

 

 

Several hours later, breathless, and sweaty, Matt pulls her to his chest, kisses the top of her head and tells her that even though he isn’t entirely pleased with the situation, he trusts her and her decisions.

 

 

If he feels Alex’s arm tighten around him, he does not say anything.

 

 

~~*~~

 

 

Once in a while, every couple of days, Alex goes on a date. Every time a new guy. Apart from a passionate kiss to remind her that someone is waiting back at home for her before she goes, and one when she comes back to remove all traces of the person she had been on the date with from her mind, Matt doesn’t say anything, or react in any manner.

 

 

She knows she is hurting him, but it is for his own good, she reasons. She just wants to see him happy, even if it means that he is with someone else.

 

 

~~*~~

 

 

She is getting ready for her ‘date’, when she feels Matt’s arms close around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder. She places her arms over his, and starts, “I need to get ready, Matt."

 

 

“Another date?” he asks, and she hears the unspoken query in his words, ‘ _will you come back to me?’_

She looks up, his face reflecting in the mirror, every emotion, every insecurity reflected in his expressions, in his body language. She can see every wound, every hurt reflected in his eyes- _she has been the one to put it there._ Her heart aches. Sometimes she just wants to stop all this. Let him love her the way he wants to. He seems happy enough to be with her. _But is it really enough? Will he think it enough 10 years from now?_

She smiles at him- his reflection- and lies, “Actually, it’s a girls’ night-out with Karen and Jenna.”

 

 

He pecks her on her cheek, “Even though I doubt it’ll be much without me, have fun, Kingston.”

 

 

She knows he can see through her lies. She can see his heartbreak reflected in his expression in the mirror in front of her.

 

 

She knows he can always see through her lies. She knows it hurts him. It is the reason why she does it.

 

 

~~*~~

 

 

When she comes back from her date, she finds him lying on the couch, an arm hanging down the side of the couch; his glasses perched on his nose, a little askew, and some sort of leather bound, heavy book on floor. She takes off her shoes, and moves near the couch. Coming to the side of the couch Matt has his head, she gently removes his glasses. Bringing a blanket from her room- _their room-_ she covers Matt, tucks the blanket under his chin and gently places a kiss on his forehead. She turns to go back to the bedroom, when she spots the leather bound book lying on the floor. _He must have dropped it while sleeping._ Picking it, she flips to see which book it is, and realizes it’s a photo album. They had filled it with pictures- memories of the time they had spent together. Her heart full, tears escaping from her eyes, she slides down to the floor, next to the couch. Even though she can’t see much through her tears, she flips leaf after leaf, traces the outlines of their images with her fingers.

 

 

It’s not the first time she can feel how much she is hurting him. The feeling that may be she is not happy with him - that these ‘dates’ she goes on are with men who are closer to her in age than Matt, and possibly make her happier than he does- is constantly in his heart. She knows it. She can feel it. She always does. She can see how this all is killing him inside. She knows he can see through her pretences. At times she feels it would be easier for Matt if she were to shoot him, or poison him. At least the death then would be easier than this. Anything would be easier than this. _He should have left her ages ago._ It would kill her if he did, but she can’t let him stay to see him unhappy few years from now.  _Why is he still here?_

“Because I love you.”

 

 

Startled, she realises that her last thought was not in her head. She had spoken it out loud. She looks at Matt, blinking back her tears, and finds him looking at her, sleepy eyed. He gently caresses her cheek, and repeats as if it’s a universal fact, “There is no place for me to be. I am here because I love you, Alex.”

 

 

He is looking at her with all the love in this world in his eyes when he speaks, “I know what you have been doing and why you have been doing it, Alex. I know. And I want you to know that I’m not going anywhere. No matter what you do. I’m still going to be here. With you, for you, in any capacity I can. Even if its 5 years from now, or ten, or even an eternity. I will be here. There’s no place else where I’d rather be. There’s no one else I’d rather be with.”

 

 

A single tear tracks its way down her cheek at his admission. When Matt immediately wipes it away with his thumb, Alex finds herself unable to hold back any more. She holds his wrist in both her hands, tears flowing down her cheeks, “I’m sorry, Matt. I’m so sorry,” looking up at him, cupping his cheek with her hand; she looks him in the eye, and continues, “I want you to be happy, darling. You can’t possibly be happy with me. You deserve so much more in life. So much better. I can’t give you that, Matt.”

 

 

Holding her hands in his, Matt lowers himself to the floor. Sitting in front of her, he cups her face in his hands, and says, looking in her eyes, “I am happy, Alex. Very. So much I can’t put it in words. Being with you is what makes me happy. You and Sal. My family. I don’t  know where else to be. I am happy. Believe me, for once. I love you, and I know you love me. That is what makes me happy. I don’t need anything else in my life.” Before Matt could say anything else, Alex throws herself in his arms, her head against his shoulder, holding him to her tightly, and whispers,

 

 

“ _I love you too, Matt. I love you too.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Blame Rihanna for 'Unfaithful' and Mattex for my feels. Both together gave me the plot bunny for this. Crappy writing- no excuses, really- that's all me. 
> 
> Hope you liked it! :)


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